One ring to bind them ....

Marriage.                                      *watches all the men flee in horror….*

Now it’s not news that in Western culture, our viewpoint and respect of the institution of marriage has changed. You could argue this to the decline in religious upbringing, changes in gender roles, equality law, career hungry women.. in fact I’m sure there is an argument for it being the fault of global warming.  How about, we except that it is a part of all these but mostly our own greed.

Why greed? Well lets go through the points. We are faced with so many choices today, from the day we enter this world to the day we leave. The colour of your hair, fashion, education – what course, what subject, where to study -, health – what do I do to my body, where do I get my healthcare-, what is my sexual orientation and who you love are all choices that you can make freely.

But with choice comes responsibility, right? Not if you have so much choice that consequences become irrelevant. And with that ambivalent conundrum comes apathy and laziness.

Don’t follow?

Choices

You can choose not to get married but live together as a couple, maybe even raise children, this is legally known as cohabiting. (there is no such thing as Common Law Marriage, you are married or you’re not).

It’s no longer frowned on, nor is the need to have an heir to carry on the family name and fortune. Marriage doesn’t – in most western cultures – equate to the woman becoming property of the husband. Living in sin in a phrase found in the history books for most.

The expectation of taking your husbands name is not so relevant. The common folk even take to double barrelling surnames as a sign of equality, just as the high born families once did, to mark significant family unions and keep their legacy going.

Nope, nowadays you are free to procreate in any manner you see fit, want to be a single parent, go for it. Society won’t ostracise you anything resembling the social deaths that once occurred.

See, lots of choice, which in it itself is great but there are always consequences.

Responsibility & Consequence

So what about if the marriage goes wrong? You know, like it’s some sort piece of bread that has gone mouldy. Well you can divorce! You lucky dog you!! (there is no such thing as Legal separation, you are either together or you are not in the eyes of the law). Fingers crossed it all goes smoothly and in 16 weeks you can get a nice shiney Decree nisi. 

You now have 5 choices. Do you pick :

•       Unreasonable behaviour committed by your spouse.
•       Adultery committed by your spouse.
•       Two years desertion by your spouse
•       Two years seperation from your spouse with consent.
•       You have lived apart for 5 years, no consent is needed.

 Time to rinse and repeat? Well you can, because you can choose to remarry, many churches will even allow this or bless your union. Were you an adulterer? Don’t fear, unlike 60 years ago, your name won’t be posted in the local paper detailing your filthy shenanigans and your children won’t be removed by social services.

(yes this did happen)

Choices affords us an opportunity to ignore all sense of responsibility both emotional and maternal/paternal because it offers a selfish way out in the form of options.

Love

Oh but what of love I hear you cry. I am sounding to cynical right? Well if you love your partner and you are prepared to commit to marriage, that’s great. Of course it is. Nothing beats a heart warming sign of devotion after all.

de·vo·tion  (d -v sh n)

n.

1. Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle.

If it is an option and if you love that person enough to commit to them for life then you should be prepared to work hard.. I mean so hard that you feel you might physically break. That’s what you do for love.

You don’t up and leave because you think they are lying. People lie. Your partner cheats? Guess what, they do that too, physically and emotionally. They spend more time at work and not enough time with you, they take up hobbies and interests that may not involve you? What people aren’t allowed interests or personal space if they so chose?   

So you have a choice. Do you accept they are imperfect and that they are likely to do it again? Or do you choose not to put up with their treatment or behaviour and walk away in these situations?

(Domestic violence is another subject entirely and the emotional and physical risks are not on discussion here).

Conservation of angular momentum...

Or what makes my world go around for those not paying attention at the back… !

Obviously… I come first but not far behind me is Tom. Clothes, shoes, food and my bed factor in quite highly also. 

If you have any sense you will know that Long Distance Relationships are not easy. The lure of that person, the desire to have them with you, at yourside, is strong enough to tear you apart as much as it can hold you together. For now, a long weekend every fortnight suffices along with holidays together, with family and other important celebrations.

We have shared and risked a lot but we have also seen it been rewarded time and again.Trust and genuine old fashioned affection above all else. It’s not easy for him to be with someone as nuts, grown up, emotionally inquisitive and verbally incontinent. But he gets me. And i get him (more than he likes at times but he needs a strong woman and we both know it). 

It’s one of those ” i didn’t really think relationships like this were legally allowed” type affairs. You know, Disney might hold a patent somewhere and be planning to sue me. 

My perfect match is imperfect harmony. We keep each other on our toes. 

The Lord isn’t a chubby chaser, more of a Whale Trapper and anything else is our business.

I’ve seen other fatty’s try to emulate, trash or use ours as a relationshiptemplate. Which is daft, you can’t replicate a relationship and as MC Hammer said “you can’t touch this”.

It usually that woman’s lack of confidence which stops her from having her own love of a lifetime. If you are an overweight woman, who doesn’t believe that relationships like ‘that’ can happen to you. You are wrong. 

It does happen, it is precious and it is worth holding out for. 

All you need is love..... and a ADSL Modem with broadband connection.

We meet partners and lovers through all walks of life, pubs, clubs, parties, friends, work, online chat rooms, lonely hearts and other social interests. For most Brits, gone are the days of chaperones and in their place we are much more dependant on our friends for advice and consoltation on prospective lovers and partners. This can be achieved online without and at their leisure as they can reply to your IM when they next log in. Our social worlds are our debutante’s ball.  So we really can and do run our social lives online, when it suits us.

The first and foremost worry of anyone when it come to meeting someone from the worldwide web is what if they turn into Sweeney Todd. Get a grip, if at this early point they turn in to a raving loony, as long as you haven’t offered up to much personal information, you’ll be fine.  If you have offered up phone numbers, addresses, facebook details - where you have probably catalogued your whole life -… well quite frankly it’s your own bloody fault. Stop being a muppet and take your personal safety seriously.

I see it as really no different from meeting a person you thought was normal at the library and then turns out to be a book-reading bunny boiler. Or if you are a lesser being, you probably met them at the pub when you were scraping the coppers off the sticky floor.. or you were on drugs… in which case you better get to a GUM clinic.

No, the most significant danger of online relationships and internet dating is not that they may lock you up in a dungeon for 25 years (nice reference Tommington). It is that you are defrauding yourself out of any serious and honest relationship by the fabrication in your mind you have built of that person in the absence of their physical presence 

You can’t feel the timbre of their voice, the smell of their hand or the soothing protectiveness of their touch. So you embellish. You fantasise. If you don’t keep this in check, you will rush in heads first and as your dopamine levels return to normal, well… actually.. that person isn’t really worth the 8 hour round trips, petrol money and you hard earned free time. But you’ve already proclaimed your love.. and now you look like a tit..don’t you?

Similarly our silly minds are likely to make us walk away from the decent people, have some stupidly dramatic outburst or convince yourself they are leading a double life. Well, if you can’t put the hard work in now, how can you expect anything to last?

Nothing is easy, and internet dating and online relationships are certainly not that. They are designed to hurt, especially when mixed with a LDR. 

BUT… and this is a massive BUTT (much like my own)… when it goes right, there is no reason you can’t and won’t meet someone who could be very significant in your life. You just need to know yourself first, to not settle and be prepared to work hard. No relationship is easy and it is only by being tested, that you can be sure the love you have is real. Otherwise it could all be a one-sided affair.

Reblog From Tommington

The Internet - Sinner or Saviour?

Time for another topic that has randomly found its way into my head!

The Internet.

Two words that have pretty much shaped the world as we know it, fifty years ago, the thought that you could be having a slice of toast in a greasy spoon in London, and through a mobile phone, be able to see what your cousin in Canada had done the night before through something like Facebook, was seen as outlandish, insane, and in some ways, criminal.

But now, we can’t wake up without being bombarded with the internet, every television show, product, individual and place now has a Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, blog, website, or whatever else is out there, devoted to themselves. The number of shows on the television today that offer you the chance to see more by logging on, or emailing, or posting in a debate, is truly astounding, just count up how many times you see or hear it mentioned during tonight’s television productions, and you’ll get my point.

The thing is though, how bad is the internet, really? I mean, as a non-physical entity, it’s about the only thing on this planet that is not policed, not owned, cannot be taken away, and ultimately, cannot be destroyed (unless of course, something like The Matrix, or, Terminator happens to happen…in which case this blog I’m writing is entirely fictional, and entirely pointless…)

On the downside of course, we hear plenty of things about fraud, theft, internet pedophilia, any whatever else happens out there, but in my opinion, and I warned you I was opinionated in my first post, there is definitely a benefit to being online.

The biggest (no pun intended sweetie) benefit in my lifetime that came from the internet, was meeting my better half, without the internet, our relationship never would have started, let alone kept going! Now, before you discount this as one of those “weird internet relationships” that only exist between trolls that scour the internet chat rooms in an attempt to find someone stupid enough to believe the stolen picture they use on their profile, please give me the benefit of the doubt. Just over a year ago, I found myself talking to this girl on a website designed for those of us who like a girl with a bit more meat on her, Fantasyfeeder.com for anyone who wants to take a look, I’m not really there any more these days, but for anyone that is interested, it’s a useful site, even if the name is bit odd!

Over the next few weeks and months, we ended up chatting more and more, and eventually, met up, safe in the knowledge that neither one of us was likely to kidnap the other and chain them up in a small underground bunker for the next 25 years (although dear, sometimes I do wonder about you!). Finally, with a lot of detail, holidays, etc etc skipped out, turns out that I’m onto a winner with this one. It’s nice to meet someone who shares your opinions, but, as is so common with the Scots, she isn’t one to sit around and let me get away with anything that she sees to be wrong, not that I’m complaining or anything (please don’t hit me dear :P).

So there, in a very large nutshell, we have it, anyone want to comment on this one? Pro’s and cons of the internet? Your opinions, as always, will be very much welcomed!

Reblog from Tommington

Power chords, killer lyrics, and sticky reminders!

Hey there boys and girls, me again, here with hopefully another slice of intelligent and witty banter…well there has to be a first time for everything I suppose!

Not too much has been happening today, unfortunately, meaning that I’m rather short on stories and anecdotes, yet I feel something is needed up here today! So here it is, be prepared readers, or, if you’d prefer, aim for that little red “x” at the top of your screen…I will however, be very sad if you do!!

So, here I am, on my way back from work, about a twenty minute drive, fifteen if I’m a bit over-zealous with the right foot…although Her Majesty isn’t best pleased when I do it! (stupid speeding ticket >.<). Not really a great deal you can do whilst driving, apart from you know, drive, so I thought I’d peruse the airwaves, and see what was being played out today. After the usual drag through the veritable armada of radio stations on the hunt for something appealing, I hit upon an old classic, and for some reason, it hit a chord somewhere inside me.

The song itself of course, probably doesn’t mean a great deal to most people, but to me and the wifey, it means quite a bit, a little known ditty called “Six Feet Under The Stars” by an American pop-punk band called All Time Low. For those of you who are sat there trying to Youtube it up a notch in order to see if its any good, don’t worry, it won’t disappoint, and for those of you who have heard of this song, well I just found a new sense of respect for you!

Aaaaaanyway, let me get onto the whole point of this blog, instead of just mentioning an obscure song reference in an attempt to get attention. The reason I mention this, is because I’m fascinated by the ability of music to reach out through the airwaves, grab a listener by the vocal chords, and shake them until they’re about ready to burst! What is it about a song that makes you remember it? The event in your life where you heard it? The melody? The lyrics? Perhaps it just happened to be a really annoying tune and now you’re stuck humming it for at least the next 24-48 hours…kind of like a stomach bug really, you can’t help but regurgitate it at regular intervals.

Now, no two people will have the exact same tastes in music, there will always be a subtle difference, for example I am quite attached to the rock/punk related genres, you know, a couple of guitars, a drumkit, a few powerchords, anything of that ilk is enough to satisfy me. No matter where we go in life though, there are always those few songs that always get everyone’s attention, those classics that have survived the test of time, and are continuing to earn their writers a small fortune in royalties! This phenomenon is something that fascinates me, how people with broad-reaching music tastes, can still make a decision that one particular song is particularly amazing with its particular arrangement of a particular melody. Now then, the song above, for me, is a constant reminder of Toria (read previous post for the lowdown on the missus…part one! Trust me, she’ll be featuring plenty in this blog!), which is a useful thing when we live three hours away. It was one of the first songs that we both discovered together, and ended up liking, which was a pretty nifty thing for something that neither of us had either heard of before.

So then, I open the floor to any and all thoughts, what is it about a song that gets your attention? Let’s see what the world has to say!

Reblog from Tommington

Another day another dollar! (other currency forms are available)

Well here I am, I finally succumbed to this whole blogging..thing! At last I’ve seen enough of people with the IQ of a small Hungarian doormouse attempting to get their opinions of the world across without first considering their information sources, and decided I’d attempt to give the world a piece of my mind from the comfort of my own bedroom!

(If you havent gathered by this point, I’m a pretty opinionated son of a gun, so be prepared…I did warn you!)

So where to start…hmm…well I suppose a bit of background on me would be a useful starting point! Not too much to tell, which from a writer’s point of view is probably a bad thing, but for you, the lucky lucky reader, you get to avoid a 21 year marathon of the ups and downs of the life of Tommington!

Well, as I just said (stupid repetition), I’m a 21 year old guy, in the UK, the Midlands to be exact, for any other Brits who want to “big up” the area! Erm, I drive, I play the bass, I work…sadly. Job wise I’m not your typical twenty something, I haven’t gone through the degree route the normal way, instead I’m being paid for by my employer, and when I’m not hitting the books, I’m juggling test tubes (Not literally of course…the health and safety guys would go mad!) on behalf of a local laboratory…fun fun fun!

Not a lot goes on around me that I dont normally notice, and more importantly, have an opinion on, sadly most of these I end up having to keep to myself, but that’s the beauty of blogging, if I need to, I can hide behind an internet created facade, and ignore the comments (sound like any old dates any of you have had?)This somewhat annoying ability, is probably something that sets me up well for this blogging malarky, so hopefully, I’ll see some payback from it soon enough!

Now then, as I understand it, the idea here is to come up with something zingy, controversial, opinionated, and conversation-simulating, but I’m going to start off with something that seems to have been catching my attention for the past few days. Sadly, I live a 20 minute drive away from my work, and my girlfriend lives a good 3 hours away (I’ll get onto this in a minute, don’t panic noble readers!), which means I have plenty of time spent in the car to listen to the radio. Most recently, I’ve found myself tuning into Radio 4, there wil be time for mocking remarks at the end of this discussion thank you boys and girls, please rest assured that at least 25% of the time this is because there is nothing of a musical variety being played at the time that shouldn’t be listened to without being first placed in a soundproof room.

The hot topic I noticed tonight was a documentary of sorts on “Black, British, and Muslim”, which I happily listened to, although to be fair, it was rather dull in places. Anyway, this is not my point, what I am going to get onto, is the situation which was portrayed by the title. It seems once again, the unfaltering British desire to categorise and identify everything with, or into, a group, has even spread onto this most traditional of radio stations. The desire to stereotype or isolate individuals from society based on small areas of their personality is rampant, and to be fair, is not really necessary.

Case in point, my better half (that’s the only time anyone will catch me admitting to this!). Now then, I’m going to make it clear now, that the kind of woman which catches my eye, is most definitely not a Size Zero, flat chested bimbo with more artificial hair than a teddy. No, I am what some people, I suppose, might term a “chubby chaser” Now then, this does not mean I’m some mad nutter seeking a metric ton of a woman, as are so often portrayed on the television, no, these kind of people are in a league of their own. (A league that should be disbanded, quickly, with a 50 calibre rifle). However, just because a man prefers a girl who has actually heard of a cheeseburger, and knows where food is supposed to go, rather than living on a diet of rabbit food and lettuce, there are quite a few stereotypes that she apparently must conform to.

The apple of my eye, Toria, is not exactly small, as a size 22/24 girl, she definitely isn’t going to be appearing on a well known page of The Sun newspaper any time soon, however, she is, by no small margin (excuse the pun), the most caring, loving, devoted, and feminine person I have ever met. Although, if we are to believe the popular opinions, she should be, lazy, workshy, exhibit poor personal hygiene, and often be found stalking the bins of her local takeaway. And it started me wondering, why do so many people decide to stay addicted to these preset assumptions? We are all prone to make broad decisions about people, but most of the time, this just makes us look stupid.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I never make assumptions on anything, nor do I not have the predisposition to make assumptions about people, but sometimes you really do need to question the mentality of individuals. Humans are, unfortunately, creatures of habit, and like most animals, which we all are at the end of the day, demonstrate a pack mentality. A lot of the time, these social decisions mean that everyone decides to agree with a decision just because it means they don’t stick out in a crowd. How many times have you thought someone was a rather good looking person for a quality you find attractive, but because you know your mates will probably have a dig at you, keep your gob shut and try to look the other way?

This is exactly the same situation, so from the local Wetherspoons pub, to the dizzying heights of topical BBC radio, there are thoughts that we can all too easily get away with this pack mentality that people are just another example of a stereotype, something we really should try to fight back against.

So here is my challenge to you loyal readers (hoping you haven’t already written me off as a complete *insert expletive here*), break one stereotype you encounter this week, see if you can catch yourself making an assumption, and slap your figurative wrist for doing it. You never know, you might just surprise yourself at how wide ranging our opinions of each other can be, if you just make the extra bit of effort!

Now its time for me to get some sleep, another day of work beckons….come on lottery win! Opinions, thoughts, questions, all welcome, just be nice, this is my first time afterall!

Too Feast or too Famine?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12180526

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/we-cannot-afford-not-to-reform-nhs-says-david-cameron-2186428.html

In the UK we are lucky enough to enjoy state healthcare which is paid for out of the INCOME TAX paid by the working person. (I stress this point as I get infuriated by countparts who quote National Insurance as the source, IT’S NOT).

Our current Prime Minister is looking to reform our healthcare policies that outline what the NHS does and how it does it. A suggested outcome of this, that is being pushed around, is that those who lead an unhealthy lifestyle will end up having to pay for services. 

So, where do I stand… or should that be flomp?

I work hard and have done for many years, I paid to go to university and i have always paid my contributions both in tax and NI. I am at my least fittest in terms of climbing mountains and my most fittest in terms of stress levels. I am at my heaviest and my prettiest.

Firstly, if you can prove that the health issue i have, is a result of my lifestyle choice, then yes, i think to ask me to pay a reasonable amount is justifiable. Providing i have been prewarned by my GP that this is a potential future -who needs to learn manners-.

Part of this should involve regular health check ups, like one has with ones teeth. Then all parties are informed of current health situations - blood pressure,blood sugar, medication if applicable, smear/breast jiggle for lumps/ update on period regularity, etc -. 

I am a person and I am responsible. And if i chose to live an unhealthy lifestyle, i should not expect others to pay the tab. I pay for the food to go in my mouth and i will pay by my health - potentially/allegedly - if i sit on my bottom and don’t exercise it off. 

There is already legislation around smokers/alcohol dependants and transplants.

Where there is risk, there is responsibility.

The issue grows around those who don’t work.

They will end up getting treatment free, much like they do prescriptions on the NHS. This i think is fundementally wrong. If you are on state benefits such as JSA, ESA or DLA, why should you be able to claim full free medical care (based on the principal that the medical condition is caused by an unhealthy lifestyle)?

There are plenty of jobs out there (note i say jobs and not careers). Pay in to the NHS pot and then you can take out. 

Regardless of ability to work, if you CHOOSE to live a way that you have been INFORMED will detriment your HEALTH then only YOU are RESPONSIBLE for the consequences, not the state. 

We are lucky, very lucky to have the NHS but it is abused beyond belief, as are state benefits which are not there to fund lifestyle choices but provide basic necessities - food, shelter, warmth, clothing -.

However, as i pointed out at the beginning, in many ways i am mentally healthier and more stress free than i have ever been. My only reoccurring health problem is hayfever -  I pay for my own antihistamines, not NHS - and the only medication i take is the contraceptive pill - which again i pay for -.

I check my weight, blood pressure and sugar levels regularly. I have been for sexual health check ups, Body MOT’s, Smears, Breast checks. You name it, i take responsibility for my choices and i always have.

So i deserve +points over those who don’t. Being fat does not = lazy about health. Neither does having 6+ alcoholic drinks, every other weekend (binge drinking) or smoking. Especially is this is the only vice you have and you keep on top of it.

So, go ahead, charge me if my health needs treatment due to my improper care and attention, give me health check-ups and appropriate advice, and ensure that every single person is viewed the same and both negative and positive steps are taken into account. I will not complain.

The argument over what should be paid, well, that is another issue i need to look into further before i can comment. Eating disorders are a grey area and not one i think can be included in this debate

Bubble Butt Blogging

Now… blogs are all over the worldwideweb. Having an internet connection entitles us all to litter the invisible online world with words and discourse. Some of us are better at it than others. 

Some don’t know how to write coherently, some post their profound comments in pictorial form and others tell it in song.  

What ever you have to say and from whatever stand point you make it, make sure you are informed. I like a good read but do so hate it when people have just read some trashy publication and not researched into what they are looking at. Google is your friend! 

If something is worth posting about, then it is worth your time not to appear a muppet. 

A woman who writes well, even if i don’t always agree with her viewpoints is the following lady:

http://blogs.independent.co.uk/author/catherineib/

Catherine writes/blogs for a well known UK newspaper, she’s a young woman at 24 who often writes with a bite of one whos early life was shaped by an eating disorder and the ensuing treatment of others.

If you share the same thinking as the blogs you read… well.. it’s not really an expansive journey. Go out there and have a look, don’t just trawl the obvious places like LiveJournal and BlogSpot.. try the papers, forum driven sites.. Think of it like an experience buffet… get out there fattehs!!

Tumbl Down

Follow my Blog at http://torlilah.tumblr.com/

Why there? It's just a nicer site to use, i've been using it longer. All these are re posts and i can't upload the images i do there, as nicely. All in all.. it's much better. Pop in and say hi!! There's at least another 6 posts there !!

New Year.. New Thinking?

The staffroom chat of January is often fuelled with New Year’s Resolutions. Some will be new, some will be recycled from last year but with apparent renewed vigour.

Understandably finances and health/appearance are two of the most significant factors that motivate us to think about changing our lifestyle, which is no mean feat.

For me, the start of a new year is not reason enough for this, a wasted day is still precious time I won’t get back, but changes are still a foot, so why be lame and lazy to wait for months to past to from a NYresolution.

Firstly, finances. Savings… oh lovely savings. I am on a good income and am in a relatively secure job but every month I mostly live to the limit of my paypacket. Largely this is to do with travelling, food and entertainment. And most of that takes place in the 2 weekends a month I get to spend with my beloved. (vomitbag)

So… before Christmas i discussed changing banks and setting up a savings account but due to pending festivities and orders i figured that changing account at one of the most hectic times of the year was a bad show. I could easily just try and save in my general account but to be honest.. that never works, so we waste my own time telling myself ‘i’ll be good this time’. No Tors.. you are a bad bad girl and you know it! 

Therefore i am midst investigating tax rebates - again i started this before christmas by requesting p60’s from past employers… Ball ache much!). Picked my bank and drawn up a sensible budget.

I’ve also looked in to where i spend my money. Travel costs are fixed, so no lbs to should there :P I’m an avid gamer, but i don’t online game anymore so i can get rid of things like online subscriptions and also postal dvd rental. 

Eating out, i could be more frugal and limit this to twice a fortnight, say a lunch and a dinner. I can also look at where we spend out money on food at home, as we do ALOT of home cooking. However, this is a joint passion so I will have to break the news to Himself next weekend. (i expect tears)

Appearance wise… nope, i’m pretty happy with that. My plan here is just to go through the clothes i have, repair or recycle what is not suitable, and through out what i don’t want/like/suits me. I’ll then have a better idea of what i have, what i need and what i can afford to want. This is a common task for me and am solely responsible for my friend Pippa’s wardrobe.

Health… well here i am making two changes with the aim of preparing for one goal and that is to have a happy and healthy pregnancy and bubbas in the not to near future. 

Sound odd? I don’t think so

Gender Rolls and a packet of crisps.

I was musing to myself, as I laid there awake at 3am, about how things have changed in the last 100 years for women. How would Suffragettes and other less militant campaigners for women’s rights feel about where we are today?

I live in the South East of England, in a county called Kent and it seems to be that expectations that many of my counterparts put on themselves are higher than ever. 

Super mum, housewife, baker, hostess and still going out and earning a decent crust, because many a modern household can’t survive on a single income. The pursuits that use to be a labour and grind as a 19th/early 20th century woman are now becoming points of pride and almost relaxation. 

I am the same, my ideal role would be that of mother and wife. These would bring me the most joy, along with stereotypical domestic goodliness. I have worked and learnt, and will no doubt continue to do so, but I would much rather choose to be keeping the household in shape. 

There be the crux, I have the choice. So is this trend of 40’s housewifery, baking of whoopie pies and dressing like some domestic maven out of Mad Men a bad thing? 

Not really.

If the modern woman is prepared to juggle all those roles, is it not a superb role model compared to those who don’t work and don’t help look after those they love, when they are perfectly able?

Millets Tent or Million Pound Dress??

Ultimately, when it comes to clothes, we all differ in taste, style, finances and body shape. These 4 elements will influence where we want to and where we can shop for clothes we can wear. 

My advice on the online retailers above are wholly based on my experiences, my own standards and knowing what suits my shape. 

Therefore don't be surprised that I did not include some of the well know fatty friendly online retailers such as Simply Be,Evans and New Look Inspire. Why? I simply don't rate them for my taste and shopping experience.

Evans occaisionally have some good pieces, but they still lean towards frump, you really have to dig around. For the materials and work that is put in to their pieces, I consider them over price, still, if you can find a gem in their capsule designer ranges..

Simply Be... simply over priced, badly made and often badly styled. However, that said, for large larger ladies, it goes up to 32 on some lines and depending on your style and where you wear your chub, this might make it a lifesaver.  The Joe Brown line is good.. eccentric in places but excellent knitwear, however, their sizing is incredibly frugal.

New Look Inspire - I used to love some of the lines that came out of Inspire, but like Evans, they've gone down the frump/plain/no style/no cut road. Horrid choice of materials and nothing really innovative. They used to scale up some of their seasonal wear.. but well... seems this is now lost to nostalgia. Shame, they do great cheap shoes if you are stuck for a last minute outfit.

So arm and inform yourself. Research if they offer what you are looking for and have fun in experimenting your style. Chances are you have more design creativity than me and can style up pieces, how you want them, I want design to go. 

I have cakes to eat, Boyfriend to nibble, work and posts to write after all!

(PS - top tip is to check sites like MoneySuperMarket, VoucherCloud and GroupOn for discount codes)

The Bubble to my Squeak

It is really only polite that I recite the trashy novel of my existence. Mills and Boon is just not my thing though I do enjoy living in the country and the occasional tumble in the hay with Lord Thomas. Yes, this small town, Scottish highlander bagged herself a Lord this year.

In my 28 years on this planet I have been as wide as I am tall, I’ve loved, lost, consumed insane amounts of ice cream and regularly travelled 400 miles just for a random nights out. I spent the millennium eve in a pub/field in the remote highlands of Scotland, slept on a pavement, been to Uni twice, worked as a BT telephone operator for 100 and 999, a website designer and social worker and had to renew my provisional driving licence. 

I’m the youngest of 4 and last year my lovely and eccentric mother did a semi naked painting of me for my Christmas present… My dad talks to his cats - one is boss-eyes and the other can only walk in a diagonal line -. They’ve been married my whole life, mostly because no one else would be able to understand them.

I’m a Tom boy. I like video games, rock music, mud, engineering, building furniture and hardcore science! But I’m equally a 40’s housewife, darning socks, baking cakes, bleaching net curtains, curling my hair and fixing my red lipstick. if only I could stand up long enough in heels!

I work full time, at a hostel for homeless people, providing advice, counselling and practical solutions to turn their lives around! I’ve worked with people from a range of background with a cornucopia of issues. Everyone one craves stability, even if it’s from a routine of uncertainty. Sometimes you just need a helping hand to show you what you didn’t know was out there or to help you to have faith in your own choices.

In my womanhood I’ve never been smaller than a size 16 and at my largest a 26. I’ve been a gym bunny, diet fanatic but decided the money was better spent on fun times out, holidays, good food and of course.. Lots and lots of shopping! 

The embracing life and not scales theory (avoiding moaning about what I don't have and what I am not and simply take action where needed) means I am genuinely very very happy. I have plenty of aspirations or goals just not pointless self deprecating ones.

That’s enough about me! If you eat the whole cake in one, you’ll have naught but crumbs for the rest of the week!